Here's Why You Should Never Give a Southern Woman a Bouquet of Carnations
Listen up, fellas.
Looking to be alone this Valentine's Day? Give a Southern lady some carnations. While it might sound a bit harsh, we have a few reasons for making such a bold statement. Here are three reasons why:
- We're worth more than carnations. Everyone knows that carnations are life's bargain flower. Amazon has them averaging about $0.40/per stem. This is less than our daily swipe of cheap mascara. Also understand that supersizing your carnation bouquet still makes you look like a cheap-o. If you don't have much money to spend, try a simple tulip bouquet or a few stems of peonies. Learn that fewer high quality flowers add up to much more in this Valentine's Day scenario.
- You'll be signaling the death knell of your relationship. We've all seen the giant carnation arrangements at funerals – probably shaped into a bizarre wreath form reflecting the deceased's hobbies like golf or a favorite sports team. Rest assured, all of the funeral hostesses in the church were silently thinking, "Bless his heart. And the carnations beside his casket." Imagine the snark remark you've earned if you come home with carnations.
- Your mama taught you better. And, she taught your sister to never trust a man who gives her carnations. He may have robbed a cemetery. Your mother should have taught you that on Valentine's Day red roses are cliché, tulips are sweet, and peonies are perfection.
And, if you can find a bouquet of hydrangea, you get extra points. Any combination of these Southern flowers will woo your belle – we promise.