We’ve got this under control, y’all.

By Betsy Cribb
October 11, 2017
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Greg DuPree

If there’s one thing that stirs fear in the heart and soul of the indomitable Southern hostess, it’s Thanksgiving and that darn frozen turkey. Sure, there’s a perfect science to getting it thawed out and ready for the oven (namely, giving it plenty of time to shake its frost), but we’ve got a few ideas of our own for turkeys that need to be defrosted in a pinch. Here, four ways that only a Southerner would defrost a turkey:

1. Put that Butterball on the porch and let it swing a spell.

Lord knows it’s going to be 78 degrees on Thanksgiving anyway. You might as well let that turkey enjoy one last day in the sun before it’s condemned to its final trip to the oven. Plus, those summery fall temps will thaw out your frozen main course faster than any overnight in the refrigerator ever could.

2. Rev up the hairdryer.

Before you turn your Conair 1875-Watt Quick Blow-Dry Pro to your own hair (a perfectly styled coif is a must at Thanksgiving dinner, you know), blow some hot air in your frozen turkey’s direction. Perhaps the pre-oven blowout will give the turkey skin some much-needed volume and texture?

WATCH: How to Carve a Turkey

3. Lend it your coat.

We’ve always had the chivalry thing down pat down here in the South, so it only makes sense that we’d show our turkeys the same polite courtesy. I spent my last Thanksgiving sweating through a light, ¾-sleeve sweater, so it’s safe to say I didn’t need that so-fun, so-fall cape I’d packed just for the occasion. If you can’t wear your cute fall coat, your turkey may as well get a chance to! Hook those tortoise toggle-loop clasps around that Butterball and marvel at its sophistication. Turns out that the golden brown hue suits your turkey better than it suits you.

4. Call for divine intervention.

And when all else fails, get down on your knees and pray that the good Lord will thaw that frozen Butterball in time to cook it for the feast. 

*Please note that these defrosting methods have not been tested or approved for use on Thanksgiving Day by the Southern Living Test Kitchen. Head here for professional help from Test Kitchen pro Robby Melvin.

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