Things Southerners Say When They Come Home To A Mess

In the South, we take the utmost pride in our homes. We host celebrations from Christmas to baby showers in our living rooms. We enjoy family dinners and game nights in the dining room. It’s our happy place, and the one place in the world where we get to curate a space with all of the things we love from blue and white china to pictures of treasured memories. All of that being said, not every part of our home is always neat as a pin and ready for company to burst in at any moment. 

Yes, there seems to be a room in every Southern household that remains untouched and ready for company at all times, but we cannot account for the rest of the house. Things happen. Maybe you had a celebration and didn’t clean up afterwards, maybe you’re going through things to see what you want to donate or put in your next garage sale. It might just be one of those days, weeks or years when keeping things tidy is the last thing on your mind. Although we don't always want to admit it, we’ve all been there.

When we return to a messy home or enters a room in disarray, we're going to have a few things to say, and lets just say that language is likely to get a little colorful. Just like when it comes to the weather or quirky nicknames we have something to say about the presentation of our own home, too. Now, a real Southerner would never comment on the organization of someone else’s home, but when it comes to our own, there are essentially no limits to what we can say. Sometimes, we can even be a little bit harsh, but at the end of the day, we’re only being critical of ourselves. Here are some of our favorite Southernisms that we use when we open a door and don’t like the looks of what’s behind it.

It’s like a tornado tore through here.

This one's self explanatory. Particularly those of us that live in the Deep South, who are all too familiar with tornadoes. On occasion, it seems like little tornadoes seem to occur in our house, and while usually there is no permanent damage done, it might take a moment to get everything back in order.

Did a hurricane hit this room?

Another weather-induced comment that those Southerners who live on the coast might say on occasion. While you might have a little more time to plan for a hurricane, that doesn’t mean that the damage might be awfully fierce on occasion.

It’s all torn up.

Do we know if this phrase is grammatically correct? Not really. However, sometimes it’s the only thing that can be said when you enter a space that would be too messy for any type of civilized company.

Who tore this place up?

This iteration of the previous phrase brings a very important element into question: the who. It’s always good to have someone to blame, whether it be the dog, the husband or the cat.

This room looks like a pig sty.

This might be a better known saying than some on this list, but something about a pig sty makes this saying a little more Southern. Down here, we can't get enough pork, from bacon to ham to pork rinds, so why don’t we just claim this saying as Southern, too?

I need to clean this place up before the cleaners get here.

It’s no secret that before someone comes over to wash your windows, clean your rugs or does a weekly cleaning, we Southerners try to clean up a little bit so no outsiders know just how messy we are. We might leave a magazine slightly askew on the coffee table, but most of our usual clutter is contained before anyone comes over.

That’s not clutter, it’s my collection.

There are times when “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is just too real for us, and some of us Southerners, as true sentimentalists, are collectors of all sorts of things. Be it baby dolls, fine china or throw pillows we find pride in our collections and the more unordinary they are, the more extraordinary they become to us.

I need those (magazines from the 1970s).

We’ve all had that moment when we enter a messy room and see something long forgotten that we simply can no longer live without. From our collection of Southern Living magazines that date back 50 years to our favorite derby hat, in the South we are all about holding on to treasured possessions.

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Southern based Furbish Studios has a pillow with this saying on it, and we find few words to ring as true as this. Maybe you have decorated your living room beautifully, but a sleepover leads to spilled soda on your favorite rug and other messy moments that make you feel like no matter how hard you try, not everything can remain pristine.

Bless ‘em (When someone tries to clean something who isn’t Mama.)

You’ve heard bless your heart, but this shortened version is just as powerful. Sometimes other members of your household will try to do something nice, like Mother’s Day breakfast in bed, that only leaves spaces like the kitchen a little worse for wear. What else is left to say other than bless ‘em? It has the same gut punch as "better luck next time."

I think the dog got into the trash.

Now, as previously mentioned, if things get really bad, the best thing one can do is blame it on the dog. It will account for all sorts of messes from socks strewn all over the place to just an overall unclean appearance.

I want to take a bulldozer and drive it right through here.

When a type-A person enters a room so messy, it seems like the only thing to be done is to simply start all over. This phrase is used only for the messiest of spaces that would leave most at a loss for words.

This place is a wreck.

A short, to-the-point phrase that says all that needs to be said about a messy space, period.