Mother's Day inspired her to salute you in song—now if she can just get Dolly Parton to record her tunes.

woman with notepad
Mother's Day inspired her to salute you in song—now if only she can get Dolly Parton to record her tunes.
| Credit: Harold M. Lambert/Getty

A picture might paint a thousand words, but a really great song can paint plenty of pictures. And there's something about Mother's Day weekend that makes Mama wax poetic. She's got a lot on her mind. And she feels the need to speak out for Southern mamas everywhere!

Somebody needs to address how you all feel about the kids, the house, the carpool, the family dog's "condition," and that bossy pants on the church hostess committee.

Well, ladies, Mama's on it. She loves Mother's Day Songs that are deeply moving—and funny Mother's Day songs, too. (Who are we kidding? If we don't laugh it off, those kids will drive us jeepers.) Some of her creations were adapted from songs on the radio. Others were inspired by a typical day in the life of a Southern Mama. Here, in your honor, are Mama's recently penned Mother's Day songs. She hopes they speak to you.

Nobody Knows the Laundry I've Seen

Don't Let Me Have to Tell You Again

I Got Them Low-Down Field Trip Chaperone Blues

Another Mother's-Day-Out Bites The Dust

She Stopped Vacuuming Today

*Performance Note: Tune of "He Stopped Loving Her Today"

Oh, Yes You Will, Little Mister

Oh, No You Won't, Little Missy

Day Spa, Hoorah!

Mama's 'Bout To Have a Little Come-Apart

Because I Said So

I Just Feel Like a Hissy Fit Is About to Happen

*Performance Note: Tune of "I Just Feel Like Something Good Is About to Happen" with apologies to the Gaithers

While My Merengue Gently Weeps

You Were Raised Better Than That

Eyes in the Back of My Head

Cry Me a River (And I'll Use It To Brew a Fresh Pot of Starbucks)

I'm Gonna Wipe That Smirk Right Offa Your Face

*Performance Note: Tune of "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair"

I Know You Know Better and You Know That I Know

The Next Time You See That Soccer Uniform (It'll Be At a Yard Sale)

Mama's Not Talkin' Just to Hear Her Own Voice

The Night I Laid My Cookbooks Down

If That's What You Think (You've Got Another Think Coming)


*Performance Note: Tune of "D-I-V-O-R-C-E"

Pretty Is As Pretty Does

If Everybody Else Jumped Off a Cliff (Would You Go Sailing Over, Too?)

Don't Make Me Come Down There

Lord Have Mercy (What Have You Kids Done Now?)

I'll Get Back With You (We Both Know That's a Fib)

Spanx for the Memories (Of Clothes That Used to Fit)

*Performance Note: Tune of "Thanks for the Memories"

Act Like You've Got Good Sense

Act Like You Were Raised Right

Act Like You Weren't Raised in a Barn

Quit Actin' Up

Jolene, Jolene (Jolene, Jolene, Please Call Mary Kay and Get Her Over Here Quick)

Wait Till Your Daddy Gets Home

This Mama Don't Need Daddy to Straighten You Out

A Little Birdy Told Me (So You Might As Well Fess Up)

The Good Lord Gave You a Good Mind (So Why Won't You Use It?)

*Performance Note: May be sung a capella

Consider Yourself Hugged, Bless Your Heart!

There Are Starving Children in China (So Eat Your Squash/Peas/Okra/etc.)

The Good Lord Sets You Free, and Mama Sets You Straight

Y'all Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind

While Mama can handle any young'un, she's got a real knack with her boys:

To summarize, boys, get your elbows off the table, pick up your clothes, mind your manners, mind your mama, mind your memaw, do your homework . . . and always remember Mama loves you to pieces, bless your heart.