Hope you're happy with killing the planet.

By Steve Bender
May 28, 2019
Weed Spray
Credit: Wega52/Getty Images

Last week, I did something unthinkably stupid. I wrote something true. I said the miracle weed-killer lauded on social media consisting of vinegar, Epsom salts, and blue Dawn liquid detergent didn't work on tough, perennial weeds like thistle, poison ivy, and beloved dandelions, because it didn't kill the roots, so the weeds grew back. I must have been out of my mind.

Hateful comments poured in from angry readers whose mouths were foaming like those of rabid shrews. They claimed I worked for Monsanto. They accused me of promoting a known carcinogen called Roundup that was killing bees and destroying the Earth. They said I was mean to dandelions. How could I spread such a dangerous untruth?

I respond by saying I can handle the untruth. If you're one of the haters, can you? Because the fact is that natural weed-killer you love isn't natural after all. Its key ingredient comes from a GMO (genetically modified organism).

I shall pause for a moment while you gather a posse to burn down my house.

See, unlike cider vinegar, red wine vinegar, and rice vinegar, the white vinegar used in your weed-killer is made from corn. What kind of corn? The corn that's been genetically modified by Monsanto to allow farmers to spray it with Roundup without killing it, while killing the weeds around it. Nearly all corn commercially produced in the U.S. is genetically modified Roundup Ready corn.

Have you people no conscience? Telling your friends and neighbors to spray the weeds around their houses using a product that could cause their children to grow extra heads? Shame! Shame on you!

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I therefore am forced to conclude that all those who accosted me in their defense of the vinegar weed-killer are on Monsanto's payroll. Anything for a buck.