Why I Hate Fall by Judy Bender
And you thought I was grumpy. I have just been informed by my lovely wife, Judy, that fall is her least favorite season. "I hate fall," she states as I start to feel faint. Grumpy LOVES fall! How can anyone hate it? Here are her reasons.
Reason #1 -- Leaves Falling Everywhere
"Landscapes are messy! No clean, green lines. No edged sidewalks. Every crevice is filled with dry leaves and walkways are covered with pine straw."
Reason #2 -- Autumn Blooms Are Blah
"All of the plants look ragged. Even the standard flowering plants (in limited colors) are pathetic when compared to the bounty of summer blooms."
Reason #3 -- The Light Is All Wrong
"I don't like the angle of the sun in the fall. It hurts my eyes."
Reason #4 -- Warm One Day, Cool The Next
"The temperature is unpredictable. You never know whether it's sweat shirts or flip-flops to go to Wal-Mart." Indeed.
Reason #5 -- Fall Means Winter Is Coming
"I prefer the bleakness of winter because the promise of spring is just around the corner. Unfortunately, fall only promises the bleakness of winter. Thank God, we have the holidays and Netflix binges to see us through."
Grumpy is verklempt. How many other secret autumn haters lurk out there oblivious to the beauty of moldy, falling leaves, acorns and pine cones that hit your house like bombs in the middle of the night, and sunlight that blinds you on your afternoon drive home? Are you one of them? Judy wants to hear from you.