You'd be amazed how many homeowners haven't the slightest clue about how to water so that new plants will live. They think that waving a nozzle over the plants for 1.2 seconds a day will magically supply all the moisture their petunias and begonias need, leaving them free to down a pitcher of margaritas.

THIS IS WRONG, so with the help of formerly clueless co-worker Erin Street, whose new plants I am trying to save, here's an instructional video on watering for beginners. The video's a little shaky at the start, just like me, but it gets better. Please ignore the airplane noise. Air Force One was just coming in for a landing. I'm meeting with the President later today to discuss my brilliant idea of changing the spelling of the days of the week so that they all begin with the letter "W." Talk to you again on Widay.

So what have we learned today?

1. Water does a plant no good unless it reaches the roots.

2. Watering for 2 seconds is not considered "thorough." Soak the dang thing.

3. Do not use sprinklers or an irrigation system to water new flowers, trees, or shrubs. Lawn sprinklers are OK for grass. They're not OK for anything else.

4. People generally prefer drinking margaritas to watering plants. Grumpy asks, "Why should these endeavors be mutually exclusive?"


Guide to Essential Southern Plants

Take advantage of the Grump's incredible knowledge about growing azaleas, camellias, blueberries, dogwoods, and other must-have Southern plants. Just click here and learn!