Timeless wisdom and unparalleled expertise courtesy of the Grumpy Gardener.

By Steve Bender
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The Grumpy Gardener: An A to Z Guide from the Galaxy's Most Irritable Green Thumb
Credit: Oxmoor House

The Pope pre-ordered a copy. Vlad Putin begged the U.S. Ambassador for a copy. The Library of Congress is adding a new wing just to stock sufficient copies to meet the demand. It's The Grumpy Gardener – An A to Z Guide from the Galaxy's Most Irritable Green Thumb. On sale now in grateful bookstores everywhere, it's the most eagerly anticipated new book since The 2014 Alabama Pesticide Applicator's Manual. High praise, indeed!

The Grumpy Gardener is a compilation of Grumpy's most popular blog posts, accompanied by astute observations, brilliant tips, 157% guaranteed correct answers to common gardening questions, selected outstanding articles in Southern Living, PLUS a plethora of new material never seen and raved about before. From the words inscribed on its sacred pages, you'll learn, among other things:

  • The five worst plants to grow
  • Why you should never carve your Thanksgiving turkey with a chainsaw
  • The one tree to plant to keep you pure
  • Three plants you can't grow if your garden has deer
  • Why electric bug zappers are more entertaining than useful
  • The real poop on manure
  • The only kind of lavender that won't melt in the South
  • How to wake up to a garden filled with naked ladies

WATCH: Grumpy's Field Guide to Poision Ivy and Lookalikes

Now you might expect to pay $500, $1,000, or (dare I say it?) one billion dollars for the hard cover version of this 256-page treasure trove, complete with funny illustrations by Michael Witte. But you can order your very own copy from Amazon for a mere $25.99!

Question: Does that not sound like the best Christmas present EVER? Answer: Yes.

The Grumpy Gardener Book Stacked
Credit: Sid Evans

Don't hesitate! A wonderful world of beauty, joy, enlightenment, and laughter awaits you. Why deny yourself and your loved ones one moment longer? Order today!