The incredible Purple Haze phase. Photo: Steve Bender

Art lovers spend fortunes every year traveling to such famous museums as the Louvre in Paris, the Prado in Madrid, the Getty in Los Angeles, and the Vatican in Rome. This makes no sense, as they could simply travel to my house instead to see the world's finest sculpture for free. To wit -- I've lit my crepe myrtle for Christmas.

That's right! And you can do it too. All you need is a rather large, well-pruned crepe myrtle and something to light it up. I went to Wal-Mart and bought an inexpensive LED spotlight with a spike on the bottom to put at the base of the tree. Now for the best part. The spotlight changes colors! Woo-hoo!

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Here is the blue phase. As you might expect, it was inspired by Pablo Picasso.

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Here is the green phase. The Wicked Witch of the West says this is her favorite.

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And here is the pink phase. I use this to raise breast cancer awareness.

How is my kaleidoscopic Christmas crepe myrtle being received by the artistic community? Portrait photographer Annie Leibovitz calls it "mind-blowing." Glass sculptor Dale Chihuly correctly judges it "inspirational." Architect I. M Pei admits "it surpasses anything I have ever done or ever hope to do." And "Painter of Light," Thomas Kinkade comments, "I'd love it if I weren't dead."

Let Grumpy Inspire You to Greatness Never settle for the ordinary. Stand out. Express yourself. Make a statement. Tell the world you are a visionary who MUST be recognized. And without doubt, the best way to do this is to light up your crepe myrtle.

If you take up this challenge, if you shake off that mantle of mediocrity that has hidden your genius, email Grumpy a photo to Everyone loves the crepe murder contest. Maybe we can have a crepe myrtle lighting contest too.