Photo: zenera

The one critter I get most complaints about is a mole digging up the yard. "How do I get rid of this agent of Satan?" Forget about Juicy-Fruit gum, gas bombs, poison peanuts, or any other solutions you've read about on the internet. Here is the only thing that really works.

Now, this solution isn't nice, so if you're a wuss, stop reading now and suffer these little varmints to come unto you. But if you have the cojones to meet the problem head-on and exercise extreme prejudice, you can kill the little suckers and feel damn good about doing it.

Are you with me? Good. This is what you need.

emPhoto: Gempler's/em

This is the steel Mole Eliminator Trap from Gempler's. It looks mean. It IS mean -- but only to moles. If you set one of these in an active mole tunnel and a mole comes scurrying through it, well.............Hell just gained one more mole.

How to Use This Trap The key thing is to locate an active tunnel. A mole typically uses one main tunnel in your yard and then builds shorter side tunnels that lead to nowhere. The pattern, courtesy of the fine folks at Gempler's, looks like this.

emPhoto: Gempler's/em

To locate an active tunnel, use your shoe to mash down a 6-inch section of tunnel. Then come back later and see what's happened. If the damage is repaired, you've found an active tunnel. Carefully following directions, you place the trap into this tunnel and gleefully await the carnage.

emPhoto: Gempler's/em

Pressing down onto the trap with your foot sets it. When the mole comes along, he pushes up soil against the plunger, springs the trap, and scissor-like blades give him an extremely close cut. Pull up the trap and dispose of the body in a respectful way. Like feed it to your dog. Dogs eat anything.

Reader Testimonial Reader Beth Winslett Fontenot recently emailed Grumpy, "We've recently discovered that we have MOLES tunneling through our yard! My yard looks like it has varicose veins! Any thoughts on getting rid of them?" I told her about the Mole Eliminator Trap. She ordered it. Caught the mole the very first night.

Lest cynics suggest that Gempler's paid for this plug, Grumpy has not received a penny from them or a trap either. I just like their products. So if you have a mole problem that seriously ticks you off, order one of these traps. The first time it works, chew yourself a stick of delicious Juicy-Fruit gum.