Photo: Steve Bender

Geese are only nice swimming on someone else's pond. When it's YOUR pond, geese are the worst thing that can happen this side of a Justin Bieber skinny-dipping party. Let's examine several different ways to give geese the heave-ho.

BUT FIRST for you bleeding heart goose lovers out there who cannot abide my avian aversion, let me speak plainly. Geese are nasty. Whatever body of water they decide to call home -- whether it be pond, swimming pool, or hot tub -- they immediately fill it with goose poop. Supremely satisfied with their accomplishment, they then smother everything around said body of water -- lawn, pool deck, sidewalk, people napping -- with tons more goose poop. They do this every day, effectively making the entire area unusable except for those people who strangely find pleasure rolling in goose poop.

Male geese are also mean. In "defense" of their flock, they'll charge and bite indiscriminately, usually aiming right for the butt. This is no doubt the origin of the term "getting goosed."

So I'll be honest. Grumpy reviles geese. Give me one on a platter, not one on my pond.

Cooked Goose
Credit: timsackton

Ways to Discourage Geese There are several ways to remove geese from your property, some old-fashioned and some new. Let's begin with the tried-and-true method that has supplied people with protein and revenge for ages.


Other methods of goose control are more subtle. You can drape plastic netting over small ponds. Or you can plant a border of moisture-loving vegetation around the edge of the pond. Snakes hide in there and geese don't like snakes. Then again, you probably don't either.

So what about something that will chase them away? I find velociraptors to be very effective in this regard.


Unfortunately, after these voracious dinosaurs eat the geese, they eat everything else. So maybe you should try something a little less....well....alive.

emPhoto: Gempler's/em

This is a coyote decoy you can buy from Gempler's. To make him seem even more threatening, his tail moves with the wind. To keep the geese from catching on, move him to different places at night. Also howl: "Ahhhhhhhhhoooooooo-woo-woo-woo!"

There is one last thing you might try -- goose repellent.

emPhoto: Bird-B-Gone/em

Migrate Liquid Goose Repellent is a non-toxic product that makes grassy areas around ponds intolerable to geese. It uses an extract from grapes, methyl anthranilate, to irritate the birds' nerves and mucous membranes. One application lasts three months and isn't washed off by rain or watering.

So there are your options. Which one appeals to you? I'm going with the velociraptors. I hate geese.