Sun? No thanks, we’ve got it made in the shade.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever been personally victimized by the sun—or self-tanner for that matter. As a fair-skinned woman, I most definitely have, and know many others who share my strife. Porcelain skin poses a challenge all to itself: It can be sensitive, prone to redness, and achieving a natural looking glow is next to impossible. Now that summer is halfway over and our non-pasty friends are showing off their vacation tans, there’s no better time to embrace our Casper white complexions a la Marilyn Monroe. Check out these eight things that all pale Southerners know and rock your snowy skin with pride (and a lot of SPF):
1. There Are Two Types Of Tans: White And Red
Long gone are the days of your youth where you thought getting a nice summer glow was, in fact, possible. You were delusional back then, and now you know that there are only two options after a day in the sun: Your usual creamy white or a lovely hue of tomato red.
2. Where The Shade Is
As soon as you step outside, your sixth sense kicks in to immediately find the shadiest tree, biggest umbrella, or covered infrastructure to perch under.
3. Sunscreen Less Than 50 Is A Joke
You laugh when you see your husband or friend apply an SPF 15 tanning oil. 15? An oil? Bless their silly, about to get sunburnt hearts.
4. You’ll Rarely Get To Show Off That Cute New Swimsuit Of Yours
Thanks to cover-ups, sun protective clothing, and towels constantly being wrapped around your shoulders that stylish suit of yours rarely sees the light of day. Its time to shine is when you decide to hop in the water, but even then, your pasty white legs may distract your friends from noticing it.
5. Faux Glow Fails Happens—A Lot
It’s common place to nervously stand in front of a shelf of self-tanners, wondering which one will give you a realistic bronze. But, after your fair share of orange-y color, unsightly streaks, and spray tan SOSs, you’ve finally found that one bottle that gets the job done—or given it up entirely.
6. People Will Never Know When You’ve Been On Vacation
Between floppy hats, oversized sunnies, and a beach towel draped over your face, you’re used to the fact no one will compliment you on your post-beach glow. That’s why you post a bunch of pictures while you’re away, so your coworkers will know what you’ve been up to.
WATCH: Skin Care Tips Southern Women Swear By
7. A Good Concealer Is A Must
Zit? Vein? Bruise? These noticeable skin conditions appear way more obvious on lighter skin tones, which is why your trusty concealer never leaves your bag.
8. In Twenty Years, You’ll Be Thankful That You Were Born Pale
The two words you (hopefully) won’t have to deal with in your future: Sun damage. Your religious sunscreen application, affinity for beach activities that don’t require roasting in the sun, and overall TLC of your fair skin leads to less wrinkles and an overall more youthful complexion. So while your sun-worshipper friends complain about their fines lines and dark spots, you can sit back and bask in the fact that being pale most definitely has an upside.