When somebody's ready to cross Jordan, we like to talk them on over.


Put Southerners and a casket together in a house of worship, and you can expect some colorful commentary. We polled our Facebook Brain Trust and collected some of their favorite funeral quotes. It should come as no surprise that things people say at a funeral can be far more entertaining than what they come out with at a wedding. We just "wish it was under happier circumstances."

  1. "Don't he look natural."
  2. "Don't he look peaceful."
  3. "Prettiest corpse I've about ever seen."
  4. "Looks good, don't he?"
  5. "Mama's beautician did her hair and makeup. Don't she look pretty?"
  6. "Her hair's not fixed right. And I doubt she'll need those glasses from here on out."
  7. "I can't believe they put that shade of lipstick on her. With her pink undertones, she never would've gone with coral."
  8. "Whose funeral is he preaching?"
  9. "I dropped off a casserole for the family. Just hope I remembered to put my name on the bottom of that Pyrex or I'll never get my dish back."
  10. "She's gone Up Yonder, bless her heart."
  11. "We're not going to the cemetery, so we got here early to speak to the family."
  12. "Y'all come on over to the house afterward. We picked up some Publix fried chicken before the funeral, so we've got plenty."
  13. "I reckon his baby brother'll be next. Got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel, bless his heart."
  14. "Whose sittin' up with the body?"
  15. "Oh, good. They're carrying her out to ‘Amazing Grace.' I want to go out on that one, too."
  16. "It's sad that we only see each other at funerals."
  17. "Lord, have you ever seen such a turnout?"
  18. "Have y'all seen my flowers?"
  19. "Reckon the preacher will have an altar call?"
  20. "They say she got her heart right just a few months ago. Cuttin' it a little close, if you ask me."
  21. "It was nice of the Methodists to help with the food."
  22. "Lord help my time, those girls of hers are already fightin' over that antique sideboard. Shame she couldn't just take it with her and teach 'em a lesson."
  23. "After all the pain and suffering she put our family through, I can't believe she had the gall to show her face at his funeral. I'm just glad Mama's not alive to see it."
  24. "Girl, is that a halter dress I see on his oldest daughter, who's got to be on the back side of 50? I'm just glad her Mama's not alive to see it."
  25. "Oh, look—the grandchildren got him one of those flower arrangements shaped like a telephone. And what a sweet banner: ‘Heaven called and Papaw answered.'"