Things You Would Never Say To Your Southern Mama
Don’t sass her, backtalk, or take that tone.
Southerners are talkers, but we’re careful about what we say to Mama. She has raised us to tread lightly. She’ll forgive the occasional faux pas, like that time you said the pound cake she just served was that best she ever made, only to learn that your grandmother—her mother-in-law—baked it. None of this "yes, yep, yeah" business. It's "yes ma'am" when you're addressing Mama.
Call her by her first name when the two of you are having a big laugh, and she’ll think it’s funny. Maybe. Do it when you’re mad, and she’ll give you a watch-your-mouth glare hot enough to melt your Aqua Net.
It goes without saying that “crude talk” and words like @#$#%!! are NOT allowed. Use that kind of language, and Mama might leave the supper table in tears (on her way to cut you out of her will).
When it comes to things to say to your mom, we’d be willing to bet you mind your manners as much as we do. Recently, we polled our Facebook Brain Trust and asked: What are some things Southerners would NEVER say to Mama? Let us know what we missed:
“Mama, you just won't believe what a GREAT cook my mother-in-law is.”
“I’m a vegan now, so fried chicken’s out for Sunday dinner.”
“Now don't take this the wrong way, but I like Aunt June’s turkey and dressing better than yours.”
“I wonder if Memaw could teach me to fry crispy catfish like Daddy grew up with.”
She Raised You Better Than That
“You can’t tell me what to do, Mama. I'm 18!”
“You’re not the boss of me!”
“No, YOU wait till Daddy gets home.”
Your Home Reflects On Her
“Hubby likes to keep it casual, so we’ll just yard sale Nana's silver and use the money for a new flat screen.
“I don't have time to iron your good tablecloth, Mama. I’ll just serve the preacher and his wife on TV trays.”
“We don’t care for monograms.”
Don’t You Dare
“Was your beautician out of town this week, Mama?”
“How would you like an easy reader large-print Bible for your birthday?”
“Don’t you think it’s time to step down from the choir?”
“I’ll buy the movie tickets—don’t forget to tell them you're old enough to get the senior citizen discount.”
Here Comes The Bride
“We decided not to get married in the church. We're going to Vegas!”
“I think this is something I need to do by myself. But thanks for offering to help me pick out my wedding dress.”
“We just can’t afford to invite the whole family to our wedding. We want to include all of our friends."
“I don’t think I’ll register for china.”
“Two words: Camo wedding!”
Home for the Holidays
“I’ll bring Stove Top for Thanksgiving this year.”
“Let’s mix it up and have pizza for the Fourth.”
“We’ve decided to stay home for Christmas. We need more couple time.”
WATCH: Things Only Southern Grandmothers Say
Well, bless! She just hopes her casserole is fit to eat. But even if it's not, come on in here and let Memaw fixt you a plate, sugar.