25 Things Only A Southern Dad Says

His words of wisdom are tinged with wit and old-fashioned horse sense.

Dad in Car with kids
Photo: Sergio Salvador/Getty

When it comes to steering us in the right direction, Daddy might not be as vocal as Mama, but he's still got plenty to say. We reached out to our Facebook Brain Trust to see who had memories of their dads' observations and advice—classic dad quotes and funny Southern sayings. Here's what they said—how about you?

  1. "If the refrigerator had a tanning bulb, you boys would be sunburned all the time."
  2. "I've eaten so much Publix fried chicken that I feel called to preach."
  3. "Marriage is a fine institution . . . if you want to live in an institution."
  4. "Well, honey, you just be you."
  5. "My doctor says I ought to take a long walk every time I start craving barbecue. If I did that, I might never be seen again."
  6. "One of these days, you might like a boy who doesn't like you back. If that happens, sugar, you just remember—you are NOT responsible for his ignorance.'"
  7. "When's the last time you had your oil checked?"
  8. "Those back tires of yours are so slick that I can see myself in 'em."
  9. "Love what you do, and always do your best."
  10. "When you're thinking about going out with some boy, you just remember this, my girl: Long hair, a beard, and a cowboy hat can cover up a LOT."
  11. "Doctors don't know everything. A little macaroni and cheese won't kill you."
  12. "If your mother doesn't quit decorating the guest bath, there won't be any room for people in there."
  13. "Sweetheart, you're about to drive your ducks to a bad pond o' water."
  14. [Left on answering machine] "If I wanted to read, I'd buy a book. Quit that texting and call me back."
  15. "If you're gonna be dumb, son, you gotta be tough."
  16. "Reckon how much charcoal I can fit in my pickup while Walmart's got it on sale?
  17. "I don't care what that AP poll says—they still ain't played nobody."
  18. "Take my advice and never vote in a church situation where you have to raise your hand. It's not worth the pain."
  19. "I was gonna tune up my outboard after church, but your Mama says that would be a sin."
  20. "Does that boy honking his horn in my driveway think he's going ANYWHERE with my daughter?"
  21. "When you pay the cable bill, you can hold the remote."
  22. "We don't run curb service from this house!"
  23. "It's tough being a big girl."
  24. "Are you trying out for the Talladega 500 because I can't think of any other explanation for the way you're driving."
  25. "Remember: Men can't be trusted. Other than me, of course."
Was this page helpful?
Related Articles