Sophia’s Best One-Liners on Golden Girls

Sophia: You drink out of a brown paper bag and suddenly everybody’s your friend.

Blanche: Mel makes me feel young and beautiful and special. When we’re together we laugh a lot.

Sophia: Why wouldn’t you? You’re both naked.

Sophia: Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is.

Sophia: She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I’d rather live with a lesbian than a cat. Unless the lesbian sheds, then I don’t know.

Sophia: Have I given you any indication at all that I care?

Sophia: Get to the part where they steal the brain out of the dead body and sew it into your head.

Sophia: May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off.

Sophia: I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.

Blanche: But you have to promise me you won’t do anything to embarrass me.

Sophia: I’ll try but if they serve me cauliflower, it’s in God’s hands.

Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy, and so are you in anything backless.

Rose: Dorothy, a man called for you while you were out.

Sophia: Finally, now we can break out that bottle of champagne we’ve been saving.

Sophia: People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.

Blanche: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to relax in a hot, steamy bath with just enough water to cover my perky bosoms.

Sophia: You’re gonna lay in an inch of water?

Sophia: Sticks and stones can break your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition.

Sophia: If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.

Dorothy: Ma. What would you do if you found out one of your children was ... gay?

Sophia: I know you don’t get many dates, Dorothy, but stick with what you know.

Dorothy: I would kill Gloria if she ever wrote about my sexual escapades.

Sophia: You’d kill your sister over a pamphlet?

Dorothy: Why can’t you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?

Blanche: Are you crazy? What will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom?

Sophia: They’ll think it’s Tuesday.

Sophia: No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.