Sophia’s Best One-Liners on Golden Girls

By Melissa Locker
February 08, 2017
Credit: Paul Drinkwater/NBCU Photo Bank/Getty Images
Sophia Petrillo, the feisty matron played to perfection by Estelle Getty on Golden Girls, was known for her stories about Sicily, her cooking, and her acid-dipped wit.Her daughter Dorothy (played by Bea Arthur) was the most frequent target of Sophia’s biting humor, but their roommates Blanche and Rose occasionally found themselves on the receiving end of Sophia’s no-holds-barred humor. Sophia used her age as an excuse for her penchant for straight talk, because as she explained, “I’m old. I’m supposed to be colorful.” Thank goodness she is and if you don’t like it, well, as Sophia would say, “Blow it out your ditty bag.”
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"You drink out of a brown paper bag and suddenly everybody’s your friend."

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Sophia: You drink out of a brown paper bag and suddenly everybody’s your friend.

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"Why wouldn’t you? You’re both naked."

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Blanche: Mel makes me feel young and beautiful and special. When we’re together we laugh a lot.

Sophia: Why wouldn’t you? You’re both naked.

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"Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is."

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Sophia: Your heart's in the right place, but I don't know where the hell your brain is.

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"She happens to like girls instead of guys..."

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Sophia: She happens to like girls instead of guys. Some people like cats instead of dogs. Frankly, I’d rather live with a lesbian than a cat. Unless the lesbian sheds, then I don’t know.

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"Have I given you any indication at all that I care?"

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Sophia: Have I given you any indication at all that I care?

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"Get to the part where they steal the brain out of the dead body and sew it into your head."

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Sophia: Get to the part where they steal the brain out of the dead body and sew it into your head.

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7 of 20

"May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off."

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Sophia: May you put your dentures in upside down and chew your head off.

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I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.

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Sophia: I always wondered why blessings wore disguises. If I were a blessing, I’d run around naked.

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"...if they serve me cauliflower..."

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Blanche: But you have to promise me you won’t do anything to embarrass me.

Sophia: I’ll try but if they serve me cauliflower, it’s in God’s hands.

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10 of 20

"Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy, and so are you in anything backless."

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Sophia: Jealousy is a very ugly thing, Dorothy, and so are you in anything backless.

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Meet The Real-Life Golden Girls

The Golden Girls are a Southern staple, giving us life lessons on love, friendship, and grace. For five decades, three real-life Golden Girls – Barbara Fletcher and her roommates Nancy Fassett, 85, and Margaret Sugg, 87, have lived under one roof – supporting each other through career changes, relationships and all of life’s travails. Check out this clip from our friends at People to take a look into the life of these fun-loving women. Visit People.com for the full story.

12 of 20

"Finally, now we can break out that bottle of champagne we’ve been saving."

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Rose: Dorothy, a man called for you while you were out.

Sophia: Finally, now we can break out that bottle of champagne we’ve been saving.

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"I just drink whatever’s in the glass..."

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Sophia: People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.

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"You’re gonna lay in an inch of water?"

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Blanche: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to relax in a hot, steamy bath with just enough water to cover my perky bosoms.

Sophia: You’re gonna lay in an inch of water?

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"Sticks and stones can break your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition."

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Sophia: Sticks and stones can break your bones, but cement pays homage to tradition.

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16 of 20

"If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it."

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Sophia: If this sauce was a person, I’d get naked and make love to it.

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"I know you don’t get many dates, Dorothy, but stick with what you know."

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Dorothy: Ma. What would you do if you found out one of your children was ... gay?

Sophia: I know you don’t get many dates, Dorothy, but stick with what you know.

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"You’d kill your sister over a pamphlet?"

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Dorothy: I would kill Gloria if she ever wrote about my sexual escapades.

Sophia: You’d kill your sister over a pamphlet?

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19 of 20

"They’ll think it’s Tuesday."

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Dorothy: Why can’t you sleep on the couch and give Clayton and Doug your room?

Blanche: Are you crazy? What will the neighbors think if they see two men in my bedroom?

Sophia: They’ll think it’s Tuesday.

20 of 20

"No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it."

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Sophia: No matter how bad things get, remember these sage words: You’re old, you sag, get over it.

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By Melissa Locker