Things Every Southern Mama Says When Her Child Leaves for College
"I'm not crying, you're crying!"
Going off to college involves a lot of things changing, all at once. Starting school all over again, making new friends, living on your own, and—oftentimes—leaving your family and hometown behind.
Going off to college is, as my mother would say, just the meanest thing a child could ever do. (She came around, sort of.) As much as our mothers know what's best, it's hard to say bye to their babies. We asked a slew of Southern mamas about the things that go through the mind when sending a child off to undergrad, and here's what they had to say:
A spoonful of sugar....
"Now don't worry, your dorm room will be just like home. We'll fix it right up."
"Make new friends, but keep the old—one is silver, and one is gold!"
"Never be without your lipstick. What if you run into [insert SEC football quarterback]?"
"I always got your back. Come on home if the going gets too tough, and you need Mama's homemade biscuits."
"Variety is the spice of life! Befriend new people, even those you don't think you have much in common with. You never know who will turn out to be a forever friend."
"If you go home with a friend for a weekend, remember that a good guest always brings a little something."
"Everybody there is as lonely as you are. So on Friday night, text someone you just met and say ‘What are you doing tonight? Can I join?' They will always say yes!"
"You and your girlfriends always take care of each other, now. No silly boys are ever worth more than your girlfriends, especially after 9 p.m."
"Make sure to always take care of yourself, but I'm always a phone call away if you need anything."
...helps the medicine go down.
"Don't you think you'd be happier at a school where you could commute?"
"Don't dig yourself into a hole first semester, the only hole you want to dig is in the garden. You will be gardening, right?"
"And just why wouldn't you want matching curtains and bedspread for your dorm room?"
"When you're at a bar, your drink is your new best friend. Don't leave it alone, don't stand it up. Stay by its side. And I'm talking about a Coke, by the way."
"Mind your manners, and always leave the bathroom tidy for others, even in that old, dusty dorm."
"Don't get in trouble, and don't bring all of your laundry home! Mama has her own laundry to do."
"Go now, and have the time of your life. Just remember that college is your job, and your job is to make the grades."
"Don't blow it first semester, you only have eight of them."
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But really, she just means:
"Always remember that I love you."