Things You’ll Never Hear Southerners Say During the Holidays
“I don't own any Christmas sweaters." That's one holiday quote you've never heard down here.
Southerners are talkers, so finding anything that we never say is a challenge. In particular, our holiday sayings abound, from superstitions (“Get your decorations down before New Year’s Day or you’ll have bad luck”) to pronouncements about holiday cooking (“Nothing ruins a pan of Memaw’s dressing like too much sage”).
We recruited our Southern Facebook Brain Trust and asked: Are there things that Southerners NEVER say during the holidays? Here’s what they said:
“Mama understands if you can’t make it for the holidays. You’ve got to live your own life.”
“I think one dessert will be plenty.”
“I’m saving time with canned sweet potatoes.”
““I’m tired of Memaw’s recipes. Let’s forget cooking and go out to eat.”
“Let’s have takeout for Christmas!”
"I'm so glad we didn't waste any of our beach vacation last spring making a family Christmas portrait at sunset with everybody wearing khakis and white shirts."
“We had plenty of red-white-and-blue paper plates left over from the Fourth—we’ll just use those for Christmas.”
“I hate Hallmark Christmas movies.”
“One batch of Chex mix/Martha Washingtons/peanut brittle/bar cookies will be enough.”
“I just decided not to decorate for Christmas this year.”
“It’s okay if a present doesn’t have a bow on it.”
“No dressing for me—I just started a diet.”
“We’ll serve instant tea and coffee to keep it simple.”
“If I run out of Duke's, I’ll just use something else.”
“I don’t have time to make gravy.”
“We’re not giving each other presents this year.”
“I think I’ll have a sushi bar for Thanksgiving. It’s so much healthier than all that heavy food.”
“We don’t care anything about football.”
“Hobby Lobby? No, I’ve never been there.”
“I don’t need any more lights or ornaments for my trees.”
“Instead of turkey and dressing, let’s have a salad bar!”
“I think I’ve got enough cream of chicken soup.”
“Daddy says he’d rather have clothes than a new bass boat for Christmas.”
“Mama says she doesn’t need any more jewelry and would much rather see a new vacuum cleaner under the tree.”
“I think more than one Christmas tree is excessive.”
“Honey, it’s okay if he doesn’t give you a ring this Christmas. Marriage isn’t everything.”
“I don’t have a Nativity set.”
“I only have one Nativity set.”
“The kids don’t want to go to church on Christmas Eve, so we’re letting them stay home and play video games.”
“We’re out of food.”
Editor's Note: We hope the royals will forgive us for posting a shot of their sweater-clad wax figures from Madame Tussauds in London. We just couldn't help ourselves.
WATCH: Things Only Southerners Know
We also know how to repair everything from an Evinrude boat motor to a KitchenAid stand mixer using nothing but good quality duct tape.