Things You’ll Only Hear In A Southern Grocery Store
We can get so busy critiquing the produce that we forget to buy Dale’s.
Southerners are never at a loss for words, especially when we’re surrounded by food. No wonder colorful grocery store quotes abound. The good people at places like Kroger, Wegmans, and Harris Teeter have brought together, under one gigantic roof, our two favorite things: talking and eating. We visit with the produce manager while he points us to a sale on strawberries. We visit with each other as we push our carts along or wait for our turn in line. (By the way, hon, don’t you think you’ve got too many items to park yourself in this express lane?)
We asked our Facebook Brain Trust to share their favorite supermarket quotes. Here’s what they said:
“Sweetheart, how do you fix that cut o’ meat you’re buying? You look like a good cook, so I just thought I’d ask.”
“Which one of you kids put this bag of Goo Goo Clusters in Mama's buggy?”
“Which one of you kids put this box of Moon Pies in Mama's buggy?”
“Mister, you’ve got some height on you—would you mind reaching me a Coke from that top shelf?”
“My, your little boys have a lot of energy, bless their hearts! If I ran up and down these aisles, screaming my head off, I'd be give out.”
“I’m Betty Jane Caldwell from Georgia Ridge. Who are you, sweetheart, and who are your people?”
“Sorry, honey. I really was fixin’ to pick up this last jar of Duke's.”
“’Scuse me, ma'am, but that’s my buggy you just dropped your Dale’s into. You seem distracted. Would you like for my Sunday School class to put you on our prayer list? Do you have a church home?
"Could you pass me a National Enquirer? I like to catch up on the news while I check out."
“Honey, go on ahead of me. You’ve only got a couple of things.” (The downhome version: “You go on, hon. You ain’t got but a little.”)
Shopping the Sales
“Leave it to Publix to have baby backs on a BOGO just in time for the Fourth. I love this store.”
“This Piggly Wiggly is the best one for Boston butts. I heard the manager’s great-granddaddy was a cattleman from Texas.”
“A dollar off pico de gallo, and just look at the marbling on that steak. You can’t beat H.E.B. for fajita fixin's.”
“I’ve a good mind to pick up some deli potato salad while it’s on sale. All that potato peeling's liable to chip my Essie.”
“I’ve never seen such pitiful watermelons. Let’s drive by the square and see if that old man is ‘settin’ there with his truck.”
“These peaches are disgraceful.”
“When will y’all have Peach Park peaches?”
“Call me picky, but when it comes to corn, I’ve got to have my Silver Queen.”
“I hope they don’t think anybody with good sense is buying their sorry excuse for tomatoes.”
“Deliver me from any summer onion that’s not a Vidalia.”
Checking It Off Your List
“Hand me an extra hunk of that Cheddar. I’m taking mac and cheese to the barbecue, and I don’t like to skimp.”
“Are the grits with the rice or the breakfast cereal?
“Do y’all carry Wickles?”
“Do y’all have any pickled pig’s feet?”
“This recipe calls for capers. What on earth are capers? I’ve about had it with that Martha Stewart.
“I didn’t see any white sauce on the condiment aisle.”
“Are y’all out of Conecuh?”
“I've got the Duke’s, but I can’t find the pimiento. Guess I’ll have to stop by Publix on my way home.”
WATCH: The Sweet Reason Why Trader Joe's Bananas Are 19 Cents
Talk about putting the customer first! We think there's a place in this world for a store that has a heart and cares about the people who shop its aisles. Way to go, Trader Joe.