Corny & Cheesy Jokes for Your Next Party

Comedian Henny Youngman once said, “Take my wife …please,” setting the gold standard for corny joke-loving husbands and boyfriends everywhere. A good cheesy joke can add a little spice and a lot of laughs to a lifetime together—and if your wife or girlfriend can laugh at your corny humor, well, that’s even better.

Q: Why did you buy a camouflage toilet seat?
A: So my wife can’t yell at me when I miss!

Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it

An amnesiac walks into a bar and goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Patient: “I was thinking about getting a vasectomy.”
Doctor: “That’s a big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?”
Patient: “Yes, we took a vote and they’re in favor of it 17 to 2.”

A woman sees her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. “You know that’s not going to help, right?” she asks.
“Sure, it will,” he says. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to see the numbers.”

As they say, if you can’t laugh, you’ll cry. Luckily there are plenty of corny jokes about boyfriends and husbands to help keep us laughing. Don’t forget: Nothing goes better with a cheesy joke than a big glass of wine.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They’re hard to get started, smell bad, and don’t work half the time.

Q: What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: A new dog only takes a few months to train

Woman one: My husband’s cooking is so bad!
Woman two: How bad is it?
Woman one: Well, the kids have started praying after the meal

Woman one: I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!
Woman two: Did that work?
Woman one: Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house.

Q: Is the glass half empty or half full?
A: Who cares, either way there’s room for more wine in it

Corny kids’ jokes can make a school day so much more fun. Whether you’re sitting around the table in the cafeteria, or trying to make a new friend on the school bus, there are many moments that can be improved by a cheesy kid joke. And soon you may find yourself cracking corny children’s quotes at the next PTA meeting.

Q: Why was the leopard so bad at playing hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted

Q: What starts with E, ends with an E and only has one letter in it?
A: Envelope

Q: What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie?
A: A pie-thon

Q: What’s the most musical part of the chicken?
A: The drumstick

Q: When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A: When it’s full

Cheesy adult jokes can make adult life tolerable. Dole out grown-up jokes when you’re stuck waiting for a bank teller, standing in the check-out line at the grocery store, or simply trying to make life a little less humdrum. These corny jokes can make grown-up life just a little more tolerable.

Q: What do you do if someone says an onion is the only food that can make them cry?
A: Throw a watermelon at their face.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Q: What did the schizophrenic bookkeeper say?
A: I hear invoices!

Q: A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?”
A: The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?”

Q: How do you lose $400 gambling at a $2 blackjack table?
A: Patience

Best friends usually don’t need jokes about friends (or family or strangers!) to start cracking each other up, but if you know each other too well, sometimes you need a little new material to get each other going. Whether you’re looking for a corny friend pun or just a quick chuckle to share with your BFF, these corny jokes can help.

Q: What did the pecan say to the walnut?
A: We’re friends because we’re both nuts

Q: What’s the difference between a friend and a best friend?
A: One will help you move and the other will help you move a body.

Q: What’s better than a good friend?
A: A good friend with chocolate

Q: How did the two oceans become friends?
A: They kept waving at each other

Q: Why should you keep your best friends forever?
A: They know too much

It’s always a good idea to have a few office one-liners, work jokes, and corny office puns up your sleeve to share around the photocopy machine or earn a laugh at an interminable staff meeting. Office humor and cheesy adult jokes can fill any workplace with laughter, which is always a good thing—as long as they’re not laughing about your paycheck.

Q: What do you do when you see a spaceman in the office garage?
A: Park your car, man.

Q: Why did the skeleton hit the office party solo?
A: He had no body to go with him.

Q: Why is team work important?
A: It makes it harder to know who to blame

Q: What’s the definition of multi-tasking?
A: The ability to procrastinate, waste time, and be unproductive all at the same time

Q: What is a clean desk a sign of?
A: A very full desk drawer

Know what’s worse than a cheesy dad joke? A cheesy mom joke! Corny parent jokes have been the number one cause of making children groan for hundreds of years and there’s pretty much no chance that it will stop any time soon. After all, annoying children with a cheesy joke is the god given right of parents everywhere.

Q: Dad, why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I don’t know, go ask your mother

Q: Did you get your looks from your mother or your father?
A: From my father, but mostly the look of disappointment

A man calls 9-1-1 and says, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
The operator asks, “Is this her first child?”
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

Mommy, mommy, daddy fainted!
Oh no, what happened?!
I just asked him if I could mow the lawn for him!

Mom 1: I figured out the secret to a clean house
Mom 2: What’s that?
Mom 1: Don’t let your children in it

It never hurts to have a few cute funny jokes on hand to make trips to soccer games fly by. While you may call it driving carpool, budding comedians know that it’s really a captive audience. Practice your corniest jokes and your funniest one liners and soon, carpool will feel like a comedy club.

You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.

Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look, I’m about to change!

How do you catch a squirrel? Just act like a nut!

Why did the lion eat the tight-rope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal.

What do you call a pony with a cough? A little hoarse.

Mastering the art of the short cheesy joke can be an easy way to make friends. Whether you’re standing on the sidelines of your kids’ peewee football or waiting in line at the Piggly Wiggly cracking a quick corny joke can earn a smile. While corny jokes are by nature groaners, a shared groan can be the start of a beautiful friendship.

Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but it’s got no atmosphere.

When a Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into bar, the bartender asked, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!

How does NASA organize their company parties? They planet.

What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

An amnesiac walks into a bar. He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”

Corny one liners are the perfect way to liven things up, if you ever find yourself at a staid dinner party. Clever corny puns and silly jokes may elicit groans from the grown-ups at the table, but they will almost always break the ice and get the party started.

Two men walked into a bar, but the third one ducked.

A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.

Just went to a wedding that was so emotional even the cake was in tiers.

Clever pick-up lines may not always work, but they certainly can earn a laugh or a smile. Try one of these witty pick-up lines on your husband or wife to take you back to the days when flirty jokes and funny pick-up lines were part of your romantic routine. If you’re still single—or want to help a single friend—test out these corny jokes for Tinder or on that cutie who caught your eye at the library.

I’m not a photographer, but I can picture you and me together

I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?

Is your name Google? Because you’re exactly what I’ve been searching for.

Knock knock? Who’s there? A whole bunch of cheesy knock-knock jokes to have you in stitches—or at least keep the kids entertained for a while. Test out these corny knock knock jokes while you try to remember all the ones you knew and loved as a kid.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
A broken pencil.
A broken pencil who?
Never mind, it’s pointless.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Theodore!
Theodore who?
Theodore was closed, so I knocked

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No silly, cows go moo.

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Why are you yodeling?

Knock-knock
Who’s there?
Impatient cow.
Impatient c…
MOO!

Cheesy football jokes, football puns, and football one-liners are the perfect way to cheer up your favorite sports fan when their team is down. After all, if you can’t poke fun at the refs, the fans, or the opposing team with a little good-natured football humor, you may as well not watch the game at all. Test out these corny football jokes at the next big game.

Q: Why was the football coach shaking the vending machine?
A: Because he needed a quarter back.

Q: What does a football player do when he loses his eyesight?
A: Becomes a referee.

Q: How do you get a former USC football player off your porch?
A: You pay him for the pizza

Q: How can you spot a Tennessee fan at a wedding?
A: Just look for the guy in the orange shirt.

Q: Why can’t you play football in a zoo?
A: There are too many cheetahs!

Q: How do football players stay cool during games?
A: They stand near the fans

While Southerners tend to take their food very seriously, these jokes about food will have you laughing into your potato salad at the next potluck. These cheesy food jokes are so cheesy, they’ll rival your pimento cheese, your queso, and your cheesecake for cheesiness. Test them out at your next dinner party, but be sure not to laugh with your mouth full.

Q: Where do you learn to make ice cream?
A: At sundae school

Q: Why won’t oysters share their pearls?
A: Because they are shellfish!

Q: Why do bananas use sunscreen?
A: Because they peel.

Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
A: Because he was on a roll.

Q: Why did the ketchup turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing

In the South, people bring corn bread, potato salad, and plenty of BBQ humor to dish out at their barbecues. Study this list of barbecue sayings, corny jokes, and barbecue one-liners and you’ll be serving up BBQ puns alongside the coleslaw at the next get together. The only person who will be more popular at the party will be the guy who brought the ribs.

Q: How do you know pickles love a good barbecue?
A: They relish the moment.

Q: Why did the yellow corn bread visit the psychologist?
A: Because it was feeling blue.

Q: When do you go at red and stop at green?
A: When you’re eating a watermelon.

Q: Why did the red velvet cake go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling crummy

Q: Why is daddy hugging his barbecue?
A: Because it is the grill of his dreams.

Church humor must be used with caution. After all you don’t want to catch a case of the church giggles by quietly doling out one of these church one-liners or church puns right when the preacher tells everyone to bow their heads and pray. Corny church jokes and silly church sayings are the number one cause of getting hushed in church—so save them for afterwards when you can laugh as loud as you like and not disrupt anyone’s prayers.

Sitting in church with your family when we were kids was getting a case of the church giggles.

Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
A: Christian Bale.

Q: Where was King David’s temple located?
A: On the side of his head

Q: What did Adam tell his kids about why the no longer lived in the garden of Eden?
A: “Your mother ate us out of house and home.”

Q: Who is the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson, he really brought the house down.

Q: Why should you always be quiet in church?
A: Because people might be sleeping!

French poet Paul Valéry once said that “love is being stupid together” and there’s nothing more stupid than laughing at cheesy jokes together. Start sharing these corny love jokes with the ones you love. Soon you’ll be laughing, eye rolling, and, yes, being stupid together.

Q: Why should you never laugh at your spouse’s choices?
A: Because you’re one of them.

Q: What did one oar say to the other?
A: Are you up for a little row-mance?

Q: Why should you never fall for a tennis player?
A: Because love means nothing to them!

Q: What’s a romantic’s favorite vowel?
A: I love u

Q: How are relationships a lot like algebra?
A: Sometimes you look at your X and wondered Y.

It’s hard to say goodbye to summer. Luckily there are plenty of autumn jokes and funny fall sayings to get you in the mood for sweater weather. These fall puns, fall one-liners, and fall jokes will have you welcoming autumn with a laugh.

Q: Why did the boy start a yard clean-up business?
A: He wanted to rake in the cash

Q: What did the summer say to the spring?
A: Help I’m going to fall!

Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
A: To make up for his miserable summer.

Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!

Q: If money grew on trees, what would be your favorite season?
A: Fall

If you can’t laugh in the face of a snowstorm with a little winter humor, you may as well just hibernate with the bears. Since that’s not an option for most of us, stay warm with a good laugh with these winter sayings, winter puns, and winter one-liners. Winter jokes can keep you laughing even when Jack Frost starts nipping at your nose.

Q: What falls but never gets hurt?
A: Snow

Q: Why do birds fly South in the winter?
A: Because it’s too far to walk!

Q: How do Alaskans make their beds?
A: With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

Q: Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
A: Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!

Q: What do you get from sitting on the ice too long?
A: Polaroids!

After a long dark winter, start your thaw with a little spring humor. Nothing will get you in the mood to spring forward like a bouquet of spring jokes, spring one-liners, and spring puns, which pop up alongside tulips, daffodils, and bluebells. Shake off the winter blues with a belly laugh thanks to these corny spring jokes.

Q: What does a fish do on spring break?
A: Nothing, because fish are always in school

Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May!

Q: Why is everyone tired on April 1?
A: Because they just finished a long, 31 day March!

Q: What is the shortest month of the year?
A: May, ’cause it’s only three letters long

Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
A: An umbrella

One of our favorite summer sayings is that nothing prepares you for swimsuit season like a good belly laugh. These corny summer jokes will give you a serious ab workout. Who wouldn’t prefer to crack up to cheesy summer puns, corny summer one-liners, and silly summer humor instead of doing stomach crunches?

Q: What do you call a snowman in July?
A: A puddle!

Q: Why did the robot go on vacation?
A: He needed to recharge his batteries

Q: Why don’t mummies go on summer vacation?
A: They’re afraid to unwind

First Woman: My son came to visit for summer vacation.
Second Woman: How nice! Did you meet him at the airport?
First Woman: Oh, no. I’ve known him for years!

Q: What did the pig say on a hot summer day?
A: I’m bacon!

They say that the best gifts are the ones that keep on giving. This collection of funny birthday one liners, cheesy birthday jokes, and corny birthday puns will do just that. Use them on birthday cards, write them in frosting as birthday cake puns, and scrawl them on gift tags on birthday presents to keep the laughs—or groans—rolling in.

Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake.

Patient: Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.
Doctor: Try taking the candles off first next time!

Q: What do you always get on your birthday?
A: Another year older!

Q: What goes up and never comes down?
A: Your age.

Q: What does every birthday end with?
A: The letter Y

Not every Valentine’s Day joke can fit on a little candy heart. Some Valentine’s Day humor requires a bigger platform, like writing a Valentine’s Day pun on a chocolate cake, spelling out a Valentine’s Day one-liner in rose petals, or simply whispering a cheesy Valentine’s Day joke right into your loved one’s ear. Try these corny Valentine’s Day jokes on your sweetheart.

Q: What did one squirrel say to another on Valentine’s Day?
A: I’m nuts about you!

Q: What did the mama elephant say to her baby on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton!

Q: What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflowers!

Q: What do cavemen give each other on Valentine’s Day?
A: Lots of ughs and kisses

Q: What did the mama calculator say to the baby calculator on Valentine’s Day?
A: You can always count on me

What do you call a mischievous Easter egg? A practical yolker, of course! If you like that eggs-cellent joke, there’s plenty more Easter humor where that came from. The next time you’re dying eggs for Easter, try to crack up the kids with these cheesy Easter jokes.

Q. Why did the Easter egg hide?
A. He was a little chicken!

Q. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a joke?
A. It might crack up!

Q: What kind of bunny can't hop?
A: A chocolate one!

Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!

Q: What does the Easter Rabbit get for making a basket?
A: Two points just like everybody!

This collection of corny Halloween jokes is a real scream. When you’re handing out candy to a parade of tiny ghosts, ghouls, and goblins you can dole out Halloween puns, cheesy Halloween jokes, and silly, scary Halloween one-liners, too. These little Halloween joke treats will earn laughs, instead of tricks.

Q: What does a vampire’s call his sweetheart?
A: His ghoul-friend!

Q: What did the bat say to his friends on Halloween?
A: Let’s hang out!

Q. What's a werewolf’s favorite kind of bean to eat?
A. A human bean

Q: What did the ghost say to the vampire?
A: You suck!

Q: What kind of make-up does a werewolf wear?
A: Mas-scare-a

This Mother’s Day, show your mom you love her with a few cheesy jokes tucked into a card or bouquet alongside breakfast in bed. If your own mother won’t laugh at these corny Mother’s Day jokes, remind her that you got your sense of humor and love of cheesy jokes, Mother’s Day one-liners, and even Mother’s Day puns straight from her. If that doesn’t work, blame your father for your love of corny jokes—every mother will laugh at that.

Q: What did the mommy spider say to the baby spider?
A: You spend too much time on the web.

Q: Why did the monster’s mother knit him three socks?
A: She heard he grew another foot!

Q: Why is a computer so smart?
A: It listens to its motherboard

Q: Do you say prayers before eating?
A: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook.

Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
A: Because their kids have to play inside!

Dad jokes are such an established art form that some people groan appreciatively just hearing the phrase “dad jokes”. This Father’s Day give your dad a taste of his own sense of humor with a handful of corny Father’s Day jokes, Father’s Day one-liners, and ridiculous Father’s Day humor. These cheesy Father’s Day jokes are sure to elicit groans that will make dad proud.

Son: Dad, do you know the difference between a pack of cookies and a pack of elephants?
Dad: No.
Son: Then it’s a good thing Mom does the grocery shopping!

Son: Daddy, can I have a glass of water please?
Dad: I've given you six glasses of water already!
Son: Yes, but the backyard is still on fire!

Q: Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing on Father’s Day?
A: In case they get a hole in one!

Dad: Son, if you keep pulling my hair, you will have to get off my shoulders.
Son: But, Dad, I’m just trying to get my gum back!

Son: For $20, I’ll be good.
Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, I was good for nothing.

This Chanukkah, come prepared with wine, gelt, and some Chanukkah one liners and puns to keep the kids laughing all night long. These corny Chanukkah jokes will have people rolling (or at least their eyes) when they’re not stuffing their faces with latkes, doughnuts, and other greasy delights. Remember to pace yourself, though, as you’ll need a few corny Chanukkah jokes and Chanukkah one-liners to last all eight nights.

Q: What’s the best reason to celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas?
A: No roof damage from the reindeer

Eve went to the bank to get money to give out as Hanukkah gifts. The teller asked, “What denomination?” Eve pauses for a second before replying, “Give me five Orthodox, nine Conservative, and 20 Reform.”

My mother gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one and when she saw me wearing it she asked, “What, you didn’t like the other sweater?”

Kid: When will the latkes be ready, I’m starving!
Dad: Nice to meet you starving.
Kid: Dad, I’m serious!
Dad: Serious? I thought you were starving!

Knock, Knock!
Who's there?
Honey!
Honey who?
Honey-kah is my favorite holiday!

When it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, pull out the Christmas ornaments, string up the Christmas lights, and dust-off these corny Christmas jokes. There’s nothing like a little Christmas humor—whether it’s Christmas puns, Santa one-liners, or Christmas knock knock jokes—to fill the house with the Christmas spirit. When getting ready for the holidays this year, make your list and check it twice, and don’t forget the cheesy Christmas jokes.

Q: What says Oh Oh Oh?
A: Santa walking backwards!

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It's Christmas, Eve!

Q: What's the best thing to put into a Christmas Cake?
A: Your teeth!

Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Their gnome work!

Q: What did the reindeer say before telling his joke?
A: This one’ll sleigh you!

This New Year’s Eve, earn more attention than the New Year’s ball by cracking jokes so corny, they’ll make people give up laughing until the New Year. If these cheesy New Year’s jokes don’t get people laughing, wait until they’ve had one more glass of champagne, and then try your silly punch line again. If that doesn’t work, just wait until the New Year.

Q: What’s the difference between youth and middle age?
A: Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up until midnight. Middle age is when you’re forced to

Q: What do New Year’s Day Parades and Santa Claus have in common?
A: No one is awake to see either of them

Q: What do you tell someone you didn’t see at New Year’s Eve?
A: I haven’t seen you for a year!

Q: What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
A: Moo Year’s Day