Things You'll Hear During a Southern Christmas Pageant
Sometimes the commentary is as colorful as the shepherds’ bathrobes.
Sure, the South is home to mega-churches with 500+ in the choir, theatrical lighting, and professional sound systems. But when we think of a Christmas pageant, it’s the small-town productions that spark memories of childhood—of halos made from silver garland and a manger hammered together by the building committee; of a 12-year-old Mary and Joseph and fidgeting wise men; of live Nativities where the two lowing cattle are a couple of ornery Herefords who sometimes get loose and have to be chased out of the church cemetery.
Nobody minds the little snafus. They’re what memories are made of. And the comments you’ll hear during rehearsals and the actual production? Well—they’re priceless. Here are just a few things you’ll hear at your next small-town Southern Christmas pageant:
“Will the youth choir be marching in? I really think a processional just says Christmas.”
"Is that who I think it is dressed like an angel? Nobody can accuse us of typecasting."
"We were saving up to rent three camels for the outdoor Nativity, but we decided Lottie Moon needed that money. The wise men will look perfectly fine on Shetland ponies."
“I think it was a wise choice to let the preacher’s Pyrenees fill in for the sheep, but what’s that cat doing up there?”
“Mary, stop hitting Joseph with the Baby Jesus.”
“Joseph, hand the Baby Jesus back to Mary and straighten up your bathrobe.”
“With what we paid for that cow costume, we could’ve bought a couple of Longhorns.”
“I had my doubts about letting Mary wear her Elsa costume, but now that I see that pretty blue dress, I have to say it works.”
“Did the deacons approve this ‘interpretive dance’ listed on the program?”
“I’d sooner give up my fruitcake recipe than my glue gun at Christmastime. Grab that little angel for me so I can fix her droopy wing.”
“How did we ever have Christmas without Hobby Lobby?”
“I just can’t get over how realistic those felt beards are.”
“Somebody needs to have a baby next year so we don’t have to use this doll again. Then again, at least the doll doesn’t cry right in the middle of 'Silent Night.'"
“Honestly, if all the kids will just stay on stage till the program ends, I’ll count this a success.”
“Whoever came up with the idea of casting the Little Miss Christmas finalists as the heavenly host was a genius! Pageant girls know how to look angelic. They've got the hair for it."
“I doubt they grew poinsettias in Bethlehem, but the flower committee thought the stable needed a pop of color.”
“If the wise men break my gold jewelry box, they’re gonna need frankincense and myrhh.”
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