Things Only Southerners Say About Their Christmas Decorations
The commentary starts as soon as the tree goes up.
Southerners are a verbal lot. We've got something to say about everything, especially this time of year, when uniquely Southern phrases pepper our conversations about Christmas. We're especially opinionated about Southern Christmas decorations.
Recently, we asked our Facebook Brain Trust to recite a few especially colorful Southern sayings that tend to pop up when y'all are decking the halls, and we hope you'll share your favorites, as well. So plug in the string lights and get that wreath on the door. Here's what Mama'n'em are saying right about now:
"Honey, if I had time to make Christmas trees out of tomato cages, I wouldn't need Publix to cook my turkey."
"We're starting to look like Disney World, so I think we're getting there."
"Let's put just a few more strings of lights on Daddy's bass boat and call it Christmas."
"I've decorated everything that doesn't move."
"I feel skimpy with just 3 trees."
"Christmas makes me want to spray every apple and pear I see with gold or silver paint."
"Don't let me forget to buy extra tissue paper so I can stuff all my big red bows when we take them down."
"Mix and match, my hind leg—I'll be breaking out the Lenox 'Holiday.'"
"Do NOT come at me with one of those dyed-blue poinsettias. A Christmas poinsettia should be red or white. Period."
"Poor Mama. Daddy just went online and found a set of SEC-themed inflatables that are 10 feet tall."
"I'm not big on giant inflatables. I prefer more natural decorations—like those lighted deer whose heads move up and down."
"Is it me or does our mailbox badge look a little cattywampus?"
"Nobody touch the Christmas towels in the powder room. Those are for company."
"Some of these ornaments are 50 years old. Looking at them makes me feel like I'm in a Hallmark movie."
"I love my artificial tree, but I've got to have a few touches of live evergreen somewhere. It's not Christmas without that scent in the house."
"Did anybody remember to put the wreath and the reindeer antlers on the SUV?"
"I have to serve Christmas dinner family-style because I need the buffet for my Christmas village."
"I'm so glad Mama started me an angel collection on my first birthday."
"I'd like to find whoever came up with that Elf on the Shelf and give 'em a piece of my mind."
"Before everybody gets here, go through this house and light every candle you see."
"I'm replacing the candles in my fireplace with a Yule log, not that I'm going to build a fire—I just want it to look like I'm going to."
"I don't light my Christmas candles because I don't want to mess them up."
"If those prankster teenagers down the street try to steal the shepherds from my lawn Nativity again, their mama's gonna get an earful."
"Colored lights are tacky."
"White lights are boring."
"Get those red lights down before somebody thinks we've opened a honky-tonk!"
"Twinkle lights give me a BC Powder headache."
"Okay, y'all, my decorating's done—maybe I've still got time to cook!"
"I should've known 200 feet of magnolia garland wouldn't be nearly enough."
"This might be the prettiest tree we've ever had!"
"That ought to get the meter spinning."