These days that’s up for debate. Let’s discuss both sides of this argument.

These days that’s up for debate. Let’s discuss both sides of this argument.

Ashley Riddle Williams

The hardest part of proposing—finding the right person to pop the question to—is already done. You’ve fallen head over heels and you know you’ve found "the one" you want to spend the rest of your life with.  And luckily, you know she feels the same way. Ah, how wonderful love is!

Now, to the second hardest part—the actual proposal. You’ve got it all planned. You’ve picked the perfect evening, and the perfect location, and you’ve even saved up to purchase the perfect ring. What’s left to do? As tradition has it, you must ask for her father’s blessing before you get down on one knee. But in 2017, is that still the right thing to do? That’s up for debate.

We Southerners are known for holding tradition in high regard, so first let’s make the argument for keeping tradition. For one thing, if her parents are also Southern, they’ll likely see it as a sign of respect. And of course, respect is something you’ll want to show your new M-I-L and F-I-L not only throughout the wedding process and events leading up to it, but for the rest of your marriage. For another thing, marriage is a big decision that impacts more people than just the bride and groom. Saying “I do” to your new wife, will also be asking for acceptance into her family, so it seems that you should come to them, if nothing else, for their blessing to be a part of the family.

For the sake of this day and age, let’s talk about the other side of the coin. The tradition started at a time when women were treated more like property than people. A marriage arrangement was to be made between two men (the father and prospective husband) without the woman’s input. For that reason, it’s understandable that modern women might feel like this practice is outdated and demeaning. As she’s a grown woman, it’s her decision, not her father’s, so why ask him first?

Both points of view are perfectly reasonable so we say: to each his own. Your relationship, marriage, and even the proposal should be as unique as you are as a couple. Therefore, you should do what’s right for you and your fiance. As a rule of thumb, as long as the two of you and everyone important to you is included in this joyous occasion, and feels respected, you can’t go wrong.

We want to hear from you! Do you think he should always ask her father first?