How much would you spend for a plate of collard greens? $4? $10? How about $81? That’s not a mistake. Just in time for Thanksgiving, high-end department store Neiman Marcus is selling four 12-ounce containers of ready-to-eat collard greens for $66, plus $15.50 for shipping. What’s that sound you’re hearing? Southern grandmothers everywhere turning over in their graves.
You would think these greens were made with actual dollar bills, but Neiman Marcus says they are “collard greens seasoned with just the right amount of spices and bacon.” Hmm. Any Southerner knows that collard greens are made with ham hocks. Of course, that would have driven the price up to $100. And if you want potlikker with your greens, that will be an extra $25 surcharge, plus $15.50 for shipping. (Kidding. Well, maybe.)
The craziest thing about these greens is that they are already sold out! No word on whether Neiman Marcus is planning to re-stock, but in the meantime, there are plenty of other options for a bank account-draining Southern-style Thanksgiving celebration. You can buy an $80 Baked Bean Medley (“A colorful array of beans combined with bacon, barbecue sauce, brown sugar, molasses, beef brisket/pork shoulder, green peppers, onions, and spices.”), a $52 (currently on sale for $39) Green Bean Casserole (French fried onions not included), a $65 Broccoli Cheese Casserole, or an $85 Traditional Cornbread Dressing. At least they didn’t call it stuffing.
Or you could cook all of these dishes for a fraction of the cost and—we’re just taking a guess here because we’re not spending $81 on greens—much tastier results. Check out our best Thanksgiving recipes for menu inspiration, including plenty of recipes for collard greens that Grandma would approve of.