According to Steve Please sit down. You may find the next few moments to be profoundly disturbing. You see, it is only logical when looking through the hyper-festive pages of this magazine to assume that everyone at Southern Living enjoys--nay, lives for--holiday decorating. I mean, what kind of surly, dark-hearted curmudgeon could be so bereft of joy and neighbors to impress that he refuses to spend every waking hour tying bows, hanging wreaths, and sending Christmas letters to friends to demonstrate how much more his family has accomplished this year than theirs? Me, that's who. Decorations just make people want to spend time in your home and get between you and the television. Take this poinsettia I got at the grocery store, for example. It has more glitter than Britney Spears at her senior prom. (She did go to high school, right?) I put it inside a Santa-hat pot a friend gave me. Now people mistakenly think I'm filled with cheer. Hey you, outta the way! The History Channel is on!

Q:
Our angel wing begonia will not bloom. It's close to 3 feet tall and more than two years old. We've cut it back to stimulate growth and fed it with a blossom-booster fertilizer. What else do we need to do?
Kari Stringfellow
Springfield, Virginia

A:
Try giving your plant more light. It needs bright light to bloom but not strong sun. Hold off on the fertilizer during winter when it's not actively growing. Then from spring to fall, feed it monthly with a blossom-booster fertilizer.

Q:
I have a split-leaf philodendron that is 18 years old. The lower leaves have dropped, leaving a very long main stem with foliage at the top. How can I propagate a new plant?
Karen Bass
Willow Springs, North Carolina

A:
First, make a V-shaped cut ¼ inch deep in the main stalk. Dust the cut with rooting powder, then wrap it with wet sphagnum moss. Next, wrap the sphagnum tightly with clear plastic and tie both ends so that no air or moisture can escape. Roots should begin growing from the cut into the moss in a few weeks. When they fill it, remove the moss, cut the stem below the roots, and pot your new plant. The old plant should leaf out at the top of the cut stem.