Terry isn't alone. David and Dana Brandon of Palm Harbor, Florida, send daughters Christy, Nicole, and Jenni on weed-seeking missions. If any are spotted, David encircles them with orange spray paint and applies herbicide, creating rounded dead zones. "It looks just like aliens landed," notes Dana. According to Liz McGuffey of Durham, North Carolina, her former neighbor, Edgar Toms, "combs every blade of grass." Greg Haworth of Oklahoma City uses a shop vacuum to suck up thatch that floats over from his neighbor's yard after a heavy rain. In Galloway, New Jersey, Southern Living subscriber Frank Rudisill truly has a lawn to dye for. When watering restrictions result in brown spots, he sprays them with green dye.

In the convoluted mind of a lawn fanatic, ordinary actions become heinous offenses. Ann Haworth once commented to her husband, Greg, about how wonderful it would be to win the yard-of-the-month award. Greg's response: "The sign would leave holes in the yard, and we just can't have that." At Kathy Meuret's home, "driving on, parking on, and walking on the grass after a heavy rain are regarded as capital crimes. And God help you if you even think about lawn ornaments. You violate the Law of the Lawn and you will face Judge Terry and his Superior Turf Tribunal."