Turf love reveals itself in a variety of aberrant practices. Warren Jones of Augusta, Georgia, tests for mole crickets in his immaculate 'Meyer' Zoysia lawn by pouring liquid detergent on a small section. The suds irritate the insects and force them to surface. Kathy Meuret of Riverside, Ohio, boasts that her husband, Terry, employs two kinds of suds. "He washes the lawn--yes, wash as in clean--with ammonia and liquid soap," she says. "And he feeds the lawn with stale beer--not just any cheap beer, but the good stuff." Clearly, Terry needs immediate help.