How To Choose a Christmas Tree

The Grumpy Gardener shares his tips for picking the perfect Christmas tree.


And now, a tip from the grumpy gardener. Guys, I'm coming to you today with some very important holiday advice. You know, a lot of you guys probably think that being a good husband and a responsible father is a way to be beloved by your family. But you are wrong, because every December you face the sternest test of all because you have to go out and get a Christmas tree. Find a good one, you're a hero. Find a bad one and you are one sorry excuse for a human being. So I'm gonna tell you how to go out to a Christmas tree lot and get a good tree. First of all, here's the first tip. Don't worry so much about the time that you go out and get one because, unless you're going to one of those cut your own places, you have no idea, when the trees you see them, when they've been cut. They could've been there a week. They could've been there three weeks. The main thing you wanna aim for, is to get a fresh tree and here's how to do that. The first thing you do, look at the color of the tree. It should be either, a rich green, or a blue green. Yellow and orange are not good colors, unless you're a fashion designer from New York or something. Okay? But look for a nice tree. Now, the next thing is, you want to look at the needles. You want to look at the condition of the needles. They should be nice and soft and supple. Sometimes you'll look into a tree, you know? And you'll see see some fallen needles inside. Don't worry too much about them. Because they are old needles. They naturally fall off. And in fact, if you go to a good Christmas tree place, before they let you go home with the tree, they'll put in a big shaker machine. And it'll shake all those old needles out. So if you see the inner needles are fallen, that's not such a big deal. What you really want to do, is you go and you examine that tree, you run your hand over the outermost needles. They should feel firm and soft and supple. And that will tell you that you got a really good, fresh tree. And it's gonna be a tree that you can take your home, to your family. And you know what? It's a nice tree. They'll put up with you for another year. The preceding has been a tip from the grumpy gardener.
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