She took out three turkeys and a Pilgrim as she sprinted for the discounted Nativity scenes.

Hobby Lobby holidays get a little muddled for a Southern mama. Christmas décor seems to arrive in August, and then it gets all co-mingled with the Halloween pumpkins and Thanksgiving turkeys till those holidays are done. Mama might come to the store for her Hobby Lobby Christmas ribbon and get distracted by the fall garlands. But not for long. The minute she catches a glimpse of red and green in her peripheral vision, it’s all over for the orange and yellow. Should you ever accompany a Southern mama as she shops for decorations at The Hob, this is what you’ll hear:

“They can mark those scarecrows down 900%. I’m still not buying one—not when they’ve got angels on aisle 7.”

“Your Aunt Joyce hated Halloween. She said it was a demonic holiday.”

“Oh, my land, they’ve got a witch hat display on the same aisle with the children’s manger-scene puzzles. I hope the preacher’s wife doesn’t see that.”

“It breaks my heart to imagine what kind of White House holidays Jackie Kennedy might've pulled off, if only she’d had a Hobby Lobby. I guess we'll never know.”

“Let’s get three or four of those $19.99 canisters of ornaments all the same color. I’ll get red and green. You get gold and silver. That way we can mix and match to fill in any holes in our decorations.”

“I love the way you can just pitch a bunch of ornaments in a glass bowl and call it a centerpiece. Think we’ve got enough?”

“You know who I always think of at Hobby Lobby? The Waltons. Remember how they gave each other such sweet homemade gifts? Can you even imagine what Olivia could’ve done with a little Mod Podge?”

“Would you look at that gorgeous red bow? It’s as big as a tractor tire and 40% off. Reckon we’ve got any walls that could hold it up?”

“Those Christmas tree skirts are absolutely beautiful. I think I’ll get five of the same one to tie all my trees together.”

“I don’t think Hobby Lobby sells them, but just in case—don’t buy your Daddy one of those animated Santas in cowboy boots that shakes his backside and sings ‘Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer.’ He’s got three already.”

“Look at all these cute nature ornaments—little birds and squirrels and raccoons and acorns . . . Would it be too non-traditional to have a wildlife-themed tree—not in the living room, of course, but maybe in the powder room?”

“Would you please tell me who in the world buys sky-blue Christmas decorations?”

“I wish Hobby Lobby Christmas trees included a pre-lit one that just popped up and spread out like an umbrella when you pushed a button—and went back in the box the  same way.”

“I just don’t go along with chartreuse. That’s not Christmas green.”

“Who died and made burlap the official Yuletide fabric?”

“For heaven’s sake, don’t buy your daddy any more automotive-themed wall art for Christmas. Last year, he tried to hang that red metal pickup truck in my dining room.”

“Now do we have enough nutcrackers or should we pick up a few since they’re on sale?”

“Now do we have enough cookie tins or should we pick up a few since they’re on sale?”

“Now do we have enough . . . ???”

Here's hoping that everybody shows up in a good mood, that no one arrives ahead of schedule or stays three extra days, and that Mama has ample time to recover before the next gathering.