Most of the time we keep it together, don’t we, ladies? Somehow, we manage to deal with the house and the hubby, the kids and the carpools, the holidays, birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries. On a good week, we actually drag our bodies to the gym (or the Total Gym) a few times, in hopes of toning our abs—or at least locating them one last time before we bid them adieu forever.
But every now and then, there’s a tiny, zany crack in our armor. We go a little off the beam and do something that can only be described as a Lucy Move. We might get distracted and forget how much seasoning we’ve added to the cornbread dressing, the result being something akin to a salt lick in a cow pasture. Or we could have so many irons in the fire that we completely forget there’s a layer cake in the oven, open the door too early, and kaplooey. Hello, Publix? Could you connect me with the bakery, please?
Where are you on the Lucy Meter? Answer “yes” to 3 or fewer of the following questions, and you’re relatively Lucy-free. Say yes to 4-7, and your roots are a touch on the red side. And if you say yes to 8 or more? Girlfriend, you might as well own it and break out the Vitameatavegamin. (“It’s so tasty, too!”)
Have you ever . . .
1. Started and extinguished a small kitchen fire before you could get supper on the table?
2. Briefly considered taping somebody else’s name to your casserole dish in the fellowship hall? (Because it sure would be nice to duck responsibility for that train wreck.)
3. Forgotten to remove the giblet pouch before you put the Thanksgiving turkey in to roast?
4. Spotted, say, a cup of melted butter in the microwave or a perfectly leveled measuring cup of sugar next to the mixer—after everything was on the table—and wondered, “Now where was that supposed to go?”
5. Prayed your in-laws would be too dazzled by your table setting to notice that your cat had sniffed out the turkey scraps on your kitchen island and was now leisurely dining there?
6. Goofed on the math when you were trying to double a recipe, giving everybody at the table a sugar rush?
7. Tried to disguise lumpy, soupy, or gummy mashed potatoes? (Who wants extra gravy?!)
8. Said to yourself, “Just cover it with Parmesan, and they’ll eat it”?
9. Said to your spouse, “I don’t care how you do it, but keep Mama out of the kitchen till I give you the all-clear!”
10. Found yourself so desperate for a missing ingredient that you seriously contemplated maybe stirring some Coffee Mate into a stick of melted butter and hoping it could pass for heavy whipping cream?
11. Realized, after one bite, that the paprika you thought you were shaking onto the mac ’n cheese was, apparently, cayenne?
13. Tried to convince yourself that your roux wasn’t scorched “all that much”?
14. Artfully scraped “the burnt parts” off a plate of dinner rolls?
15. Reassured yourself with this one: “Nobody will ever know the difference."
Tell us how you scored. FYI, no one’s judging here. Some of us have been solidly in the Vitameatavegamin camp for years.