In case of an emergency, break glass and call a Southerner. It’s as simple as that. If you’re in the South and need help, we're coming to your aid, whether that’s with a spare tire or a steaming casserole (though most of the time, we’d prefer the casserole). We Southerners have each other’s backs. Here are the top 14 reasons why Southerners are your best bet in the event of a crisis:
1. If you have a room full of Southerners, we can guarantee that you will have your pick of pocketknives (or, occasionally, Swiss army knives). You never know when a rope will need to be cut or a wine bottle uncorked.
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2. Southerners are always prepared. (Often, with a backup pocketknife and a cabinet full of non-perishables.) In the event of an emergency, we’ve stockpiled the essentials.
4. Southerners know how to change a tire and drive a stick. Some of us learned when we turned 16, and some of us learned at age 10 while driving the family pickup around the back field.
5. Southerners are good with tools, and we learned how to use nail guns and miter saws early on. If we’re fixin’ to fix something, you’d better believe it will be running within the hour.
6. Southerners can identify all manner of plants, berries, and trees. And if you ever need to know if you’re looking at Virginia creeper or poison ivy, you’d better ask a Southerner quick.
7. Southerners can hunt and fish. Catching our own food and cooking it up into a delicious meal is part of our DNA.
8. Southerners have several generations of knowledge about home remedies at our fingertips. Mama didn’t raise us to forget what was passed down to us.
9. Southerners are in the loop. If you need to know what’s going on in town, at church, or across the country, call a Southerner. We’ve been listening, and we certainly know about any major developments. (We’ve heard the gossip too, but we’re too polite to repeat that in respectable company.)
10. Southerners have green thumbs. (Or if we don’t, we can learn.) Need to grow our own food? We can do it with a little bit of luck and a few tips from the Grumpy Gardener.
11. Southerners don’t often deal with extreme weather, so if the forecast says ice, we won’t be leaving the house until we get a call that someone needs us. If there’s even a dusting of snow on the horizon, you may want to bunker down with your nearest Southern neighbor for hot cocoa and a roaring fireplace (even if the temperature is still in the 50s).
12. Southerners have can-do attitudes. We’re optimists at heart, and we won’t let anything derail us from finding a solution to the problem at hand.
13. We have a way with words. We’re good storytellers, but if you need an ear, we can listen too.
14. We love our neighbors, and we’ll always be there in the event of an emergency to offer a hot meal and a kind word.