Myers-Briggs Heads South

A personality test aimed at Southerners would need way more than eight letters.

Valerie Fraser Luesse
Blonde Secretary at desk
George Marks/Getty Images

Ever take the Myers-Briggs personality test? It helps you determine which of two camps you fit into, in four different categories: Extrovert (E) or Introvert (I); Sensing (S) or Intuitive (N); Thinking (T) or Feeling (F); Judging (J) or Perceiving (P). Once you complete the test, you’ll have a four-letter personality type, like “INFP” or “ESTJ,” and you can read a profile of that type to better understand what makes you tick.

We had to wonder—what would such a test yield if it were tailored to Southern women? What would our personality types be—and how would those profiles read?

She matriculated at a Southern university, where she was president of her sorority and chaired the rush committee. She doesn’t get “that Madonna” but thinks Carrie Underwood is “just precious.”
Her type: Kappa Kappa Gamma Forever

This woman can organize a fellowship hall for maximum flow, make a flower arrangement out of weeds if she has to, organize a bridal tea for 300 in less than 30 minutes, and put the preacher in his place when the situation calls for it.
Her type: Church Hostess With Attitude

She is every Southern woman with children.
Her type: Mama Rules The Roost

Pushy, pushy, pushy and always thinks she knows best. Who died and made her the Queen of Sheba?
Her Type: Big Ole Bossy Pants

We all know she was in the running for Miss Texas, and she’s “still very attractive for her age,” but it’s time to back off on that teasing comb and hairspray; otherwise “for her age” will soon be replaced by “in her own way,” and we all know how deadly that is: She’s attractive . . . in her own way. Ouch.
Her Type: Has Outgrown Pageant Hair

She knows the ranking of every team in the SEC, likes to fish, and compared every boy she ever dated to one man and one man only.
Her Type: Such A Daddy’s Girl

We would never suggest that any woman follow the dangerous pathway to “the natural look.” We are not hippies. Everybody needs at least a touch of lipstick and little mascara. However, a girl can get carried away at Sephora and lay it on too thick.
Her Type: Heavy On The Makeup

She owns no cosmetics or hair care products. She believes a home should be functional but not “look done.” She hates barbecue, is opposed to football, and doesn’t like Dolly Parton.
Her Type: Crazy As A Bat, Y’all