10 Times We Wish We Had Clairee’s Fiery Wit

“If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” 

We rave about Truvy. Adore Shelby. Fantasize about whipping out Ouiser's one-liners. And we all need a M’Lynn. But every woman wishes she had a friend like Clairee. The cheerful, gossip-hound Clairee Belcher (played by Olympia Dukakis) is that Southern girlfriend we all know and yearn for when we just need a laugh and some weekend gossip. That friend we call when news just starts trickling through the local grapevine. Here, a few reminders of why the former mayor's widow had us worshipping the quicksand she walked on.

Clairee: "You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time."
Ouiser: "I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself."

Ouiser: "You are evil, and you must be destroyed."
Clairee: "Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could."

Clairee: "I’ve just been to the dedication of the new children¹s park."
Truvy: "Yeah, how did that go?"
Clairee: "Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous."
Truvy: "Was she hurt?"
Clairee: "I doubt it. She got hit in the head."

Clairee: “I’m just too colorful for words.”

Truvy: "I kind of like hiring somebody with a past."
Clairee: "She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past."
Truvy: "Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past."

Clairee: "Well, you know what they say: if you don¹t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!"

Clairee: “I really do love football, but it’s hard to parlay that into a reason to live.”

Clairee: “I love ya more than my luggage.“

Clairee: “Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.”

Truvy: “You are playin' hard to get!”
Clairee: “At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.”

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